Delivering value at the margin

Ixnay the Anelspay

It is confab season again and I have been receiving many enquiries from readers like this one:


My inbox is inundated with announcements for this venture panel and that investment expert.  Why aren’t you out there spreading the gospel of Zero Equity Nurturing?

J.R., Albuquerque, NM


Here is my response:

Dear J.R. (as if that is your real name),

Where do you get off calling me Lach without an introduction?  Not much for protocol in North Mexico I would say.

But to the meat of your email: been there, done that, have the name badges.  After starting MVP I made more public appearances than Lindsay Lohan’s beaver.  But my exposure didn’t do us as much good.  Sure, we blew through our prepaid minutes answering all the inbound calls.  But every single enquiry was a plea for “capital.” As if!  No matter how I presented Zero Equity Nurturing as the logical end game of market efficiency—the tighter the budget the higher the productivity, so tighten that belt to zero equity and the productivity flows—no one in the audiences got it enough to even bother contributing a buck to my legal defense fund.

That is, until we learned the power of invisibility.  As soon as we went off the grid and stopped promoting ZEN, entrepreneurs figured we were hiding something they wanted and our receptionist had to figure out what all those flashing lights on her phone were about.  (Ever seen an American Express palladium card?  But betcha want one, you tool.) Attracted by our exclusivity, we were flooded with calls from outstanding entrepreneurs ready to give up stock to have our decal on their rear windshield. You don’t find that kind of resignation unless you sit outside a mortgage broker.

One look at our portfolio page and you will conclude we don’t need to grace another VCpalooza to rock it.  We have our own Burning Man going, thank you very much.

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